Escape to Paradise: Adults-Only Luxury at Palacio Borghese, Oaxaca
Escape to Paradise: Palacio Borghese, Oaxaca - A Review (with a side of existential dread about Wi-Fi)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I just got back from the Palacio Borghese in Oaxaca, and let me tell you, my brain is still processing the sheer… stuff that happened. This place? It's aiming for luxury. Adults-only luxury, specifically. And, well, let's just say it's an experience. I'll try to break it down, because honestly, my notes are a jumbled mess of "OMG, that pool!" and "Where's the damn Ethernet cable?!" So, here we go, my imperfect assessment of this self-proclaimed paradise.
First, The Essentials (and My Wi-Fi Crisis):
Let's get the boring, but crucial, stuff out of the way. Accessibility: They say they have facilities for disabled guests. I didn't personally test it, but it’s listed in the features. Make sure you double-check specifics if you need them. Wheelchair accessible: is also on the list. Okay, moving on…
Internet. Oh, the Internet. This is where my soul nearly cracked. Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! they boast. And yes, it's true. Technically. But, as I discovered, it’s the kind of Wi-Fi that makes you want to hurl your perfectly-crafted cocktail across the room. I'm talking buffering videos, dropped calls, the whole shebang. I needed to work, dammit! Internet [LAN]? They list it! Do I see an Ethernet port in my room? Nope. Not a whisper of one. I think I spent half my trip wandering around the lobby, desperately trying to snag a decent signal. Internet services? Well, they exist. They’re just… unreliable. Think dial-up, but with more expensive cocktails. Wi-Fi in public areas? Better, but still spotty. You’ve been warned, digital nomads. Pack your own satellite dish. Seriously. I'm writing this review on the edge of the infinity pool, and it's still… blurry.
Cleanliness and Safety (Covid Edition):
Look, they’re taking it seriously. Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer everywhere. Rooms sanitized between stays, Staff trained in safety protocol, Safe dining setup… you get the idea. They even have individually-wrapped food options, though I did manage to tear through those mini-croissants with impressive speed. Physical distancing of at least 1 meter? Well, that's what they try for. The pool can get a bit… cozy. Cashless payment service is a definite plus, and they have a doctor/nurse on call (a comforting thing, especially after one too many margaritas). They’ve gone for the Hygiene certification, and they are not hiding the fact.
Rooms are… Nice (When the Wi-Fi Lets You Appreciate Them):
So, the rooms. Pretty darn good. Air conditioning, obviously. Alarm clock? Check. Bathrobes? Yes! That’s a win. Blackout curtains – absolute lifesaver for those late-night (or early-morning) tequila-fueled naps. Coffee/tea maker, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, and an In-room safe box. Nice touches, all. Ironing facilities (THANK GOD). They also have Non-smoking rooms (duh). The Seating area was perfect for collapsing into, staring at my Wi-Fi-induced despair. Smoke detector, Soundproofing… Basically, they thought of everything… except a reliable internet connection. And yes, there's a Window that opens! Finally, some fresh air.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: A Liquid Diet (Mostly):
Food? Okay. Restaurants on-site, and a Poolside bar. A la carte in restaurant – a decent selection. Asian breakfast? Hmmm, not sure I’d recommend it. Coffee/tea in restaurant? You know, essentials. Desserts in restaurant? Absolutely. I'm a huge fan of these. Breakfast service? Buffet style, but, you know, it’s fine. There's a Snack bar, of course. And the Room service [24-hour] is a godsend after a long day of… well, trying to get online. Bottle of water. Always necessary. The Happy hour offers a decent selection of cocktails. I, for one, became very well acquainted with the Poolside bar.
Things to Do (and How to Relax):
This is where the Palacio Borghese truly shines. And let me tell you, after my Wi-Fi battle, I needed to relax.
Spa/sauna: YES. A glorious, glorious YES. The Massage was heavenly. Pure, unadulterated bliss. I opted for a full body massage. I drifted away, and the feeling was great. I woke up and felt like a new person. It's worth every single peso. They have a Body scrub and Body wrap options, too. I sadly ran out of time. There is a great Steamroom to fully relax.
Swimming pool and Swimming pool [outdoor]: Stunning. Especially the Pool with view. Seriously, the infinity pool is the highlight. Just… gorgeous. Float around, sip a cocktail, pretend you're a glamorous movie star. It's what you should be doing.
Fitness center and Gym/fitness: A little cramped, but does the job if you're one of those people. I’m not, I'm okay with that.
Things to do: They offer a few suggestions. See below:
- Things to do: Visit the Santo Domingo Church.
- Things to do: Visit the Zocalo.
- Things to do: Visit the Oaxaca Rufino Tamayo Museum.
Services and Conveniences (The Stuff That Makes Life Easier… Mostly):
- Concierge: Very helpful.
- Daily housekeeping: Of course.
- Elevator: Praise be!
- Gift/souvenir shop: Convenient. I bought a charming little Oaxacan trinket (after I finally got Wi-Fi to upload a photo of it).
- Laundry service: Essential, especially after a few too many mezcal tastings.
- Luggage storage: Useful.
- Safety deposit boxes: Always a good idea.
- Car park [free of charge] and Valet parking: Good options.
- Business facilities are included, you know, for the people who, unlike me, could actually get work done.
The Verdict (With a Side of Wi-Fi Trauma):
Palacio Borghese is trying to be a slice of heaven. And for the most part, it succeeds. The staff are lovely, the setting is beautiful, the spa is divine, and the pool, well, the pool is Instagram-worthy. But… that Wi-Fi. It’s a constant, niggling reminder of the modern world's imperfections.
Quibbles and Quirks:
- The Music: Sometimes, the lobby music felt a little… elevator-y.
- Lack of Local Flavor: While beautiful, the hotel could feel a little… generic luxury. Missing some of that classic Oaxaca feel.
- The "Couple's Room": I did not have the pleasure of entering into this room, but I would be sure to if I were a couple!
Final Recommendation:
If you're looking for a luxurious adults-only escape where you can truly unwind, and you don't need to be constantly connected to the digital world, Palacio Borghese is a fantastic choice. Just pack a good book, a strong determination to resist the urge to hurl your laptop, and a healthy dose of patience. For the price, it's a solid investment. But if you require seamless internet access, you've been warned. Consider this your official "caveat emptor."
Palacio Borghese: Escape to Paradise – Special Offer for You!
Ready to shed that daily grind and dive into luxury? Book your escape to the Palacio Borghese in Oaxaca now and receive:
- A complimentary bottle of local mezcal upon arrival – because you deserve it.
- A free upgrade to a room with a pool view (subject to availability) – hello, Insta-worthy sunsets!
- A 15% discount on all spa treatments – because you deserve to be pampered.
- And… we're throwing in a portable, super-powerful Wi-Fi hotspot… for a small fee! (Just kidding… but maybe pack one anyway).
- For a limited time, we also include a free walking tour of Oaxaca.
Click here to book your luxurious getaway! (And pray for a strong Wi-Fi signal for all your future Instagram posts).
S811 Friday: Your Luxurious Ho Chi Minh City Escape Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's meticulously planned travel brochure. We're heading to the Palacio Borghese Hotel Boutique – Adults Only in Oaxaca, Mexico, and honey, it's gonna be… an experience. Let’s see if I can even remember what day it is.
Oaxaca, Mexico: A Messy, Glorious, and Probably Spicy Itinerary
Day 1: Arrival & Architectural Swooning (Plus a Near-Disaster with the Guacamole)
- Arrival (and a Moment of Panic): Okay, so getting to Oaxaca was a saga. Flight delayed, luggage lost (don't worry, it turned up – eventually!), and me, convinced I'd somehow offended the travel gods. Found myself at the Palacio Borghese, a little dazed, a lot disheveled. The hotel itself? Stunning. Seriously, the architecture? Instagram-worthy from every angle. Feeling like I was waltzing into a Wes Anderson film, except I'm the one tripping over my own feet.
- Settling In (and Admiring the Bed): The room? Gorgeous. Seriously, the bed… it beckoned. I seriously considered just staying there for the entire trip. But, alas, duty calls (and the allure of Mexican food is strong). I needed to get out and soak in the Oaxaca vibe. Let's keep it short and simple, after unpacking, I will take a nap.
- Lunch Fiasco (aka Guacamole of Doom): Okay, so I'm at this adorable little restaurant. I think it was named something like "Casa Something or Other." Anyway, the guacamole. That was the start of something amazing. Seriously, it was the best guacamole I have ever tasted. Until I ate it and then I was a wreck. My stomach decided to stage a full-blown protest. I was convinced I was dying. Sat next to the most beautiful woman and talked to her while I was dying. I may have scared her. I was running back to the hotel and barely made it. I don't normally talk about bathroom issues, but this was a problem.
- Recovery (and a Quest for Tea and Quiet): Back at the hotel, clutching my stomach and considering just ordering room service for the rest of my life. But, no, I will be out there. So, I had some tea to soothe my stomach and tried to find the world's quietest corner to reassemble my shattered digestive system. The hotel staff? Angels. They were so kind, and made me feel less like a total disaster. Also, I am on a mission to find some Tums in Oaxaca.
- Dinner- The "I am alive" Ceremony: The hotel has it's own restaurant: an adventure! I am at the same level as the guacamole situation. I ordered some simple soup. This time I am victorious! I am living!
Day 2: Exploring & Spiritual Moments (and Tequila)
- Morning Market Mayhem: The Benito Juarez Market. Holy moly. Sensory overload in the best possible way. Mountains of chiles, smells of spices, and women yelling at you to buy their queso. I felt like I was in a movie - a deliciously chaotic one.
- Church Crawl (and a Moment of Reflection): Oaxaca is a city of churches. So many. Each more beautiful and ornate than the last. I managed a few – Santo Domingo being a true knockout. The architecture, the history…it's all so overwhelmingly beautiful. I actually sat down and just breathed for a minute. Didn't think about anything for a minute.
- Lunch and Tequila, Okay? I had this amazing sandwich with some kind of bread. This was the first time in the last 2 days I actually enjoyed eating. Then, someone mentioned tequila. Well…. After lunch, I started my tequila journey. This part is a blur. All I know is I got some amazing tequila.
- Siesta Time (Necessity, Not a Luxury): After tequila, I needed a nap. The bed beckoned, again.
- Evening Adventure (Maybe a Regret or Two): The hotel, again, has wonderful staff. I asked them where to go. Went to a bar, heard some music. I danced with some locals. I sang. Apparently, I can't carry a tune in a bucket but I was having fun. I made some friends. I woke up not knowing where my shoes were.
Day 3: Cooking Class & Chocolate Bliss
- The Cooking Class (and a Few Tears of Joy): The cooking class was epic. I helped (sort of) make mole. It’s hard work, but so worth it. The smell alone was enough to make me weep with joy. I learned so much- I even made my own tortillas! I almost burst with pride.
- Chocolate Factory Nirvana: Okay, so the chocolate in Oaxaca is legendary. I found a small chocolate factory. So much yum. I'm pretty sure I ate my weight in chocolate. It was absolutely divine. I might have even snuck a few extra bars for the road. Don't judge me.
- More Tequila (I'm Not Proud, But I Am Happy): I'm not going to lie. Another night in a bar. My shoes did not come back.
- Final Night (a bittersweet farewell): I had a final dinner. I sat in the patio and drank some coffee in peace. I sat in the hotel, taking it all. I met all the staff.
Day 4: Departure (and a Promise to Return)
- Goodbye, Oaxaca (for Now): Okay, time to leave this beautiful, chaotic, messy, wonderful city. This trip was a mess. I laughed, I cried, I ate some amazing food. I met some amazing people. I will be back.
- Departure with a Smile: I am now on my way back. No luggage lost. No flight delays (yet). A few regrets, but mostly just a heart full of memories and a craving for more chocolate.
- Last Thought: If you ever get a chance to go to Oaxaca, go. Just go. And if you're looking for a luxurious, beautiful home base with amazing staff, the Palacio Borghese is it. Just… maybe take it slow with the guacamole. And the tequila. Okay, maybe not the tequila. Viva Oaxaca!
So, what's the big deal about "Adults-Only"? Like, is it just no screaming kids or what?
Oh, honey, it's DIVINE. It's the absence of tiny humans *screaming* during your perfectly timed sunrise meditation (or, you know, your hangover-induced groaning). It's the freedom to sip your artisanal cocktail by the pool without worrying about rogue water balloons assaulting your perfectly coiffed hair. It's *peace*. Pure, unadulterated, blissful peace. I swear, the first morning there, I almost cried from the sheer silence. (Don't judge, I'd just survived a flight with a toddler who clearly needed a nap *and* a lobotomy). Seriously, it's a game changer.
Palacio Borghese... sounds fancy. Is it, like, *really* fancy? Are we talking diamond encrusted toilet seats?
Okay, let's be real. No diamond toilet seats (disappointing, I know). But yes, it's fancy. Think: Historical building, impeccably restored, stunning architecture, lush courtyards. The rooms? Gorgeous. My room (ahem, *suite*) had a balcony overlooking the city, and honestly, the view alone was worth the price of admission. The linens were whisper-soft, the toiletries smelled like something out of a perfume ad (and by the end of the trip, I may or may not have "accidentally" packed a few extra bottles...). It's fancy, but it's comfortable fancy. Like, you can totally spill margarita on the antique furniture without feeling like you committed a capital offense. (I may also have inadvertently tested that theory...)
Okay, the pool. Spill the beans. Is the pool Instagram-worthy? Is it big enough to actually swim in?
The pool. Oh, the pool. It's… well, yes, it *is* Instagram-worthy. But even better, it’s actually swimmable! And surprisingly, it wasn't packed with people, which is the best part! You can actually *relax*. I spent a solid afternoon just… floating. With a margarita. In the Oaxacan sun. It was pure, unadulterated bliss. They also have these insane daybeds, perfect for napping/reading/dramatically posing while pretending you're not absolutely hammered on the surprisingly potent cocktails.
The food! Tell me about the food! I'm picturing tacos and *molé*… correct?
Yes! And then a thousand times more! The food is *ridiculously* good. You get your tacos, of course, but then you're in Oaxaca! You've got to try the *mole*! (And trust me, you'll want to try several different kinds). They have a restaurant on-site that's just… wow. Every meal was a culinary adventure. Fresh, flavorful, beautiful. Okay, I'm drooling just thinking about it. One night, I had this grilled octopus… it was so tender, so smoky… I could eat it every single day and never get tired of it. I did sneak an extra order one night… don’t tell anyone. And, like, the breakfast? Forget about it. Fresh fruit, pastries, the works.
What about the staff? Are they stuffy and formal? Or are they friendly?
The staff… now, THIS is a big deal for me. I hate feeling like I'm being judged. And the staff at Palacio Borghese? They were *amazing*. Seriously, the friendliest, most helpful people you could imagine. They genuinely seemed to *enjoy* their jobs. They remembered your name, your cocktail order, even your favorite type of pillow (yes, I had opinions). One day, I lost my phone in a cab (long story, involving mezcal and a spontaneous dance party). The hotel staff *literally* worked miracles and helped me get it back. They were patient, they were kind, they were just... wonderful. They really made the stay feel special.
Okay, the area. Is it safe? What's there to *do* outside the hotel?
Oaxaca felt very safe to me. The hotel is in a good location, and I walked around quite a bit. Of course, you always need to be smart about it, but I never felt worried. Oaxaca is a city bursting with life. You can wander through the vibrant markets (bring your bargaining A-game!), visit the stunning churches and historical sites, take a cooking class, try all the mezcal (responsibility is key!), or just soak up the incredible atmosphere. I did a day trip to Monte Alban, the ancient ruins – absolutely mind-blowing. But I definitely spent more time enjoying the pool. #sorrynotsorry.
Anything I should watch out for... any downsides? Be honest!
Okay, speaking of honesty... Here's the deal: 1. **Mezcal is dangerous.** It is delicious, it is tempting, but it's also STRONG. Pace yourself, people! Or you'll end up dancing on tables and ordering a pizza at 3 AM, wondering where your dignity went. (Again, not speaking from personal experience... probably.) 2. **The Wi-Fi might be a little spotty.** This is Mexico, not Silicon Valley. Embrace the digital detox. Read a book. Actually talk to your travel companion. Maybe even try *gasp* looking at the scenery without immediately posting it to Instagram. 3. **It's not cheap.** Luxury comes with a price tag. But, honestly, the experience is worth it if you can swing it. Think of it as an investment in your sanity.
Okay, final verdict: Would you go back? And would you recommend it to someone?
Would I go back? In a heartbeat. I’m already planning my return! And yes, absolutely, I would recommend it. Especially if you’re looking to escape the usual chaos of life, and spend some time relaxing with your partner or friends. Book it. Go. You’ll thank me later. (And if you see me there, buy me a margarita. I’m easy.)
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